I am writing this as the Summer Solstice is upon us. It is during this event that you are obliged to do some irrational activity, which is a custom that has been in effect for many ages. To help with this endeavor, I opened the huge bottle of Sangria that I bought at COSTCO. An old man living alone should have little use for COSTCO and its magnum sized products. I do go there occasionally to buy a few things, and I come out with a $300 cart full of stuff. I suppose I am an incurable impulse buyer, which is why I bought two magnum bottles of Sangria. Sangria is to wine as Etch A Sketch is to art: Crude but fun on a hot summer day for those of us with little understanding of the finer things in life. One glass at sunset takes the sharp edge off the day. Two glasses results in the following thoughts. My double Sangria for the Solstice caused thoughts about how the world will end.
Under the influence of the grape, I thought about how scenarios changed throughout the ages. I can conceive of three scenarios based on the knowledge available during the various ages:
• The Middle Ages
• 20th Century
• 21st Century
THE MIDDLE AGES
Sitting around the campfire and gazing at the stars, I think the alarmists of that age used their intellect to think up some pretty scary stuff. The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse would have scared me. Those bad boys represented pestilence, war, famine, and death as told in the bible. All the scary stuff in those times centered around physical interaction of man and nature. It took the worst that was happening and magnified it, which, I think, helped boost church attendance.
THE 20TH CENTURY
While an Armament Systems officer in the USAF, I had a pretty good idea for an ending to civilization when I stood in the bomb bay of a B-47 with my hand on a 2.4 megaton hydrogen bomb. Those firecrackers could definitely end civilization with the exception of cock roaches, which can survive anything. Those dudes have only grown smaller and more powerful with time. I think the best place to be is not in a survivalist bunker, but at ground zero watching it drop.
Another good possibility is bacteria and viruses. As a senior biology student in 1953, I grew Staphylococcus in petri dishes loaded with agar with progressively stronger doses of antibiotic and got survivors to chomp down on the antibiotic as if it was candy. Now, due to improper use, we have MRSA infections, which can only be stopped with a hacksaw cutting off the infected parts.
Perhaps throw in some volcanoes, hurricanes, and earthquakes as a final punch.
THE 21ST CENTURY
So far I have only ended life on earth with my progressive thoughts. But how about ending the whole shebang? I mean not only life but the earth itself. To think about that, we have to venture into the world of theoretical physics, a subject about which I plead near total ignorance, but I do have a few thoughts that take me to places like the CERN Hadron collider.
First I learned about compounds, materials, and atoms. Then along came protons and electrons, and as the scientist’s thoughts got bigger, the particles got smaller. Next came the Higgs boson, gravity, and quantum fields of energy until I guess there is nothing left but vibrating fields of energy that somehow get together to make “stuff.” If that is the case, then there may be an On-Off switch somewhere in the universe that can turn off the energy and, in an instant, everything turns to dark matter. How about that for an ending!! If in your travels in life you run across a toggle switch with the labels EXISTENCE / EXTINGUISH – leave it alone.
Ok – so you noticed there is an empty glass next to the partially full Sangria bottle. You may want to suggest that I fill the glass, chug it down, go to bed, wait for the new dawn, and the end of the Solstice. But first, let me ask what you have done in the way of Solstice madness? If nothing yet, I suggest you drink some Sangria, get naked, go out in the yard and howl at the moon. I will think of something equally as appropriate for the Winter Solstice.